Beyond the White Ribbon

The Little Mermaid had her voice stolen from her. Sleeping Beauty was condemned to eternal slumber just as she reached an age of self-discovery and independence. Bluebeard brutally murdered his wives who showed any sign of defiance and curiosity.

I treasure these folk tales - they are an incredibly important part of my life and creative practice, and I regularly turn to them, and others, for inspiration. But there is undeniable history of silencing women.

I am a great admirer of anyone who is brave enough to break that silence, and would encourage everyone to do so. White Ribbon Day is a fantastic initiative that has been embraced by many Australians, workplaces, businesses, community groups and educators. It brings awareness to a horrifying truth that permeates our society, and takes a clear stand on what action must be put in place. I have no doubt that across the country on November 25th, hundreds of thousands of people will show their support, speak up, and take the oath:

I swear never to commit, excuse, or remain silent about violence against women. This is my oath.

Earlier this year I grappled with the implications of the White Ribbon Day oath I had taken alongside many friends and colleagues.

I can confidently say I have never committed acts of violence against women.

I can confidently say I have never excused acts of violence against women.

I cannot confidently say that I have never remained silent about acts of violence against women.

I do wonder about others who have taken oath. Surely someone else must have found themselves in the same position as me? Feeling unsure if speaking up was the right thing to do. Not knowing how to respond. Understanding that sometimes silence feels like the easiest option.

I was pasting up some stickers for White Ribbon Day at my work place last week and a good natured elderly gentlemen passed me by.

“Domestic violence? Haha - my wife is domestically violent to me!” he joked “It’s a real problem.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond.

The cool, peace keeping, unflappable, professional in me wanted to remain nonchalant and lighthearted. But there was something that irked me in a way I couldn’t ignore.

I will not remain silent about acts of violence against women.

There is a fine line between a joke, and giving permission to something terrible. We use humour to deflect awkward situations and conversations that we don’t know how to approach. I’m sure the gentleman who spoke to me was trying to take the edge of a volatile topic that he didn’t know how to engage with.

But all that was going through my mind was the stack of 30 portraits of dead women that are sitting in my studio. And the list of over 30 portraits that I still have to draw.

I will not remain silent about acts of violence against women.

By chuckling at his joke, would I have been encouraging his apathetic attitude towards the very public sign I was putting up? Was I giving him an easy exit from a difficult conversation?

Of course this conversation is difficult. It is confronting, and horrifying, and makes us feel helpless because it exposes human behaviour at its most brutal.

But it still needs to be had.

And by not having that conversation, am I not breaking my oath and once again being silent?

“Actually, it is a real problem”

I said it almost under my breath (I swore to not be silent, I didn’t promise I would be loud! Bravery will hopefully come with time…)

But he must have heard me. And he stopped.

“Oh. Yes. Yes, I didn’t mean- You're right. It is a real problem. Good that you’re putting those signs up.”

And he went on his way.

Yes, I confronted a perfectly friendly stranger. Yes, I made him uncomfortable. But I can almost guarantee that he will hesitate before making that joke again.

I did wonder how many people who I know - family, friends, colleagues - would have stopped to point out the gentleman’s error. Perhaps they would, particularly this week, or particularly on White Ribbon Day. But in our day to day lives we have a tendency to return to our conveniently apathetic selves.

So here is the real challenge, if you take the White Ribbon Day oath - you need to uphold it well beyond November 25th. Honour it at every opportunity - in the workplace, at the footy, at the pub, on a buck’s night, at Christmas when your dad makes an inappropriate joke, when you go to laugh something off and then realise there is nothing funny about it at all.

Taking this oath needs to extend beyond a token post on social media.

There is a diabolical lack of awareness of how extreme violence against women is engrained in Australian culture, and only we as a society can change that. A woman in Australia is more likely to be killed in her own home by her male partner than anyone else or by anyone else. Violence against women is not something that is specific to an age group, culture, social class or geographical location. It affects all cross sections of society, and remains one of the most silenced problems in the community.

When I speak with people about The Bird Girls project, they are horrified at the number of women killed to date (68) while I am shocked at the lack of publicity around this figure. Our undeniable history of silencing women continues - in the media, with our politicians, in our day to day conversations.

So why aren’t we having these conversations? Why aren’t we educating society, our children, our workplaces and our elderly?

Nothing is achieved by remaining silent, if nothing else, the women who have lost their lives deserve to be heard in death. As the portraits stack up, I am surprised and horrified at the weight of that many sheets of paper. As the year draws to an end and seems to spiral into hectic chaos, I am exhausted at the ever growing tally of dead women, and with each one I think “surely that must be it for the year?”

In any other circumstance, this sort of death toll would be labeled an epidemic. So why is it we are ignoring these heinous acts against women? Don’t confirm to our history of silence, because with the figures as they stand, the next life lost could very easily be someone who you know.

If you take the oath on White Ribbon Day today, take it seriously. Uphold it and honour it well beyond today. Remind people of the message when they have forgotten what month White Ribbon Day even falls in. Be brave enough to break the habitual silence of those around you instead of conforming to it. It is the only way we can hope to make a change.

I will continue to draw a portrait for every woman killed by acts of violence in 2016.

The current toll stands at 68.